If you’ve ever walked out of a meeting frustrated because no one took your idea seriously, this is for you. Being nice isn’t the problem. The problem is thinking that being nice will get you ahead. Spoiler alert: it won’t.
But don’t worry—today, we’re going to break down how to be respected, heard, and taken seriously without losing your kindness or integrity.
The Difference Between Being Liked and Being Respected
Early in my career, I worked with a boss who I really struggled with. I had been in the business for a long time, performing well, and had a great relationship with the owner. Then a new general manager was brought in, and we clashed. I’ll never forget coming home one day and realising: I don’t care if she likes me. I care that she respects me.
Liking someone is temporary—it can change in an instant. But respect is built on integrity, boundaries, and value. If your goal is simply to be liked, it’s often rooted in insecurity, and that insecurity is holding you back. High-achieving professionals don’t have room for people-pleasing.
So, take a moment and ask yourself: Am I prioritising being liked over being respected? Because if you are, it’s likely showing up in ways that are sabotaging your career.
Signs You’re Prioritising Being Liked Over Being Respected:
Saying yes to tasks even when you’re overloaded.
Avoiding difficult conversations or sugarcoating feedback.
Prioritising others’ comfort over your own needs.
The cost? You become seen as “nice” but not influential. Without influence, you don’t get promotions, leadership roles, or high-impact opportunities. Instead, you get overlooked.
How to Shift from Being Liked to Being Respected
Set Clear Boundaries and Communicate Them Confidently
Being respected means having integrity, knowing your limits, and confidently articulating them. Instead of saying, “Sure, I can do that,” try:
“I can take on that project, but this is my schedule for the week. Which task would you prefer I prioritise?”
This response is assertive, professional, and maintains your workload boundaries.
Give Direct, Constructive Feedback
Respected professionals provide feedback based on facts, not emotions. Instead of fearing how someone will react, focus on how you can help them improve.
I once saw a manager put an employee on a performance improvement plan—not as punishment but as mentorship. She spent time coaching, supporting, and guiding the employee toward better results. That’s leadership. When you give feedback with clarity and confidence, you help others grow rather than just trying to keep the peace.
Make Decisions Based on What’s Right, Not What’s Popular
If you constantly go along with the status quo just to avoid conflict, you won’t stand out as a leader. True influence comes from speaking up when something isn’t right—even if it means being the first to raise your hand.
You may have seen this happen in a meeting: one person questions a decision, and suddenly others start nodding in agreement. That first person had the courage to speak up. That’s the kind of presence that earns respect.
Trust Your Expertise and Speak Up
If you’ve been hired, promoted, or asked for input, it’s because your knowledge is valuable. Yet, self-doubt creeps in, making you second-guess your ideas. Break that cycle by reminding yourself daily of your skills and past successes. Keep a list of wins—clients you’ve helped, problems you’ve solved, challenges you’ve overcome.
Plan, Prioritise, and Push Back When Needed
When someone tries to offload their work onto you, don’t just take it on. Instead, ask: “What would you like me to de-prioritise to make room for this?” Having a clear schedule and priorities gives you leverage to maintain control over your workload.
Rely on Facts, Not Emotions
When calling out an issue, base your argument on evidence. If you don’t have concrete proof, ask strategic questions instead of making accusations.
Find the Positivity in Constructive Feedback
No one likes giving tough feedback, but avoiding it does more harm than good. When framed positively, feedback becomes an opportunity for growth. Be clear on the benefits—how the person can improve, how it will help their career, and why it’s important.
Set Boundaries Around Your Time and Skills
If you wouldn’t ask someone else to do something unreasonable, don’t let them ask it of you. Integrity in leadership starts with walking your talk.
Be Consistent and Authentic
If your actions don’t align with your words, people won’t trust or respect you. Leaders who change their stance depending on the situation create uncertainty and lose credibility. Stay aligned with your values, and your influence will grow.
Detach from the Fear of Offending Others
Navigating the workplace with logic and pragmatism—not fear of what others think—shows maturity. This isn’t about being cold or callous; it’s about leading with clarity, confidence, and purpose.
The Power of Strategic Assertiveness
The key to being respected isn’t about being aggressive or abandoning kindness. It’s about being assertive—strategically. That means:
Knowing your value and believing in your expertise.
Trusting your intuition when something doesn’t feel right.
Preparing and planning so you can push back with confidence.
Prioritising integrity over popularity.
By making these shifts, you’ll move from being the person who is “nice but overlooked” to the one who commands respect, influence, and leadership opportunities.
So the next time you find yourself hesitating to speak up, remember: respect is built on integrity, not approval. And that is the key to long-term career success.
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