YOUR YEAR SERIES – LET GO

EP #74

 

“Do I need a life coach?” You’re listening to Episode 74, with Rhiannon Bush

 

Welcome to the Do I need a life coach? Podcast. We’re here to discuss the ins- and outs- of the life coaching industry and give you tools to use, to see for yourself. I’m your host, Rhiannon Bush. Mother, management consultant and a passionate, certified life coach.

 

Firstly, thank you Amy from Sydney for writing in and your struggles with the amount you have to think about and your mental load, and just trying to juggle so many balls as a single mum. Honestly, I think it’s pretty incredible that at this time of year you’re still committed to your growth and development, and the fact that you took the time to engage with me to get even more out of it for you is just awesome so thank you and I’m honoured to pull this episode together for you.

 

It’s a really important thing to begin to recognise what you’re hanging onto and why and how that stops you getting to where you want to be. Because even if holding on isn’t directly related to your goal or where you’re headed in life, it steals your very precious mental energy and allows something to permeate that blocks or prevents you from focusing on the things you need to focus on to succeed. They, at the very least, are a distraction. And at most are an obsession that keeps you stuck.

 

As I spoke about in the last episode, as new mum, I defined my success statement as “I’m responsible for my kids safety – their physical, spiritual, intellectual and mental safety” and I knew once I came up with that that it was perfect for me, because it’s energetically aligned. I remember it easily, I haven’t had to re-think it or edit it which means it hasn’t weighed on me mentally at all. It’s just there and that feels great.  And the best part? Having that statement gives me such clarity around what I need to pay attention to, and what I need to let go of.

 

For instance, my son, 4 and a half, is loving dressing himself and he loves to wear odd shoes and socks. Is that something that will impact his safety? No. So I let it go. My two and a half year old is too confident around a pool. She’ll jump into it without me paying attention or focusing on her. Is that jeopardising her safety? Absolutely. So it’s something I need to pay attention to and teach her. Is TV jeopardising their safety? Too much of it. So there are boundaries I put around it.

 

The best thing about a truly aligned success statement, because you’ve taken the time to define success for you in a particular area of your life, I that it enables you to let go of the things that aren’t encompassed in that statement.

 

Letting go is two-fold. The first is the things you pull on yourself that you may not need to. The second, is things others do that you let bother you, and why?

 

Two Buddhist monks return to their monastery after the rains. They reach a rushing river and in front of them is a beautiful lady in a delicate silk kimono, distressed because she is unable to cross the river by herself. So, the older monk scoops her up, carries her safely to the other side and the two monks continue on their way in silence. Five hours later, as the two monks reach their destination, the younger monk, literally fuming, bursts out, "How could you do it? You touched a woman; you know we're not allowed to do that!” The older monk replies, "I put her down 5 hours ago, but you are still carrying her with you."

 

The things we hold onto, grudges we bear or things we feel angry and hurt about cloud our mind and prevent us from being the best we can be. This also crosses into our decision making. I’ve listened to a lot of people talk about how quickly we actually make decisions. We do it in a split second. It’s actioning that decision that takes time because we deliberate, or we procrastinate because it’s out of our comfort zone, or might offend someone, or it may be a difficult decision to make. But the decision itself, we make quickly. The quicker you action that decision, the less focus and mental energy it pulls from you, enabling you to use that energy on more important and fruitful things.

 

Letting go usually involves some form of forgiveness or acceptance – whether it’s yourself, someone else, a situation or even an unknown third party. The irony is that whatever you’re holding onto, it’s probably hurting or bothering you much more than it does anyone else.

 

Letting go doesn't mean we condone a situation or behaviour, it’s about lightening OUR load. Because when we let go of whatever is bothering us we set ourselves free and get to reclaim that energy for ourselves.

 

You don’t need to know HOW to let go, you just need to be WILLING. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and change how you feel moving forwards.

 

And remember - whatever you find it hardest to let go of is probably what you need to let go of the most… Also, we tend to get dragged down and overwhelmed by things that accumulate over time - and end up cluttering our minds. Now is the time to identify what you're tolerating. Cluttered space, cluttered mind.

 

While you may not wish to do anything about this right now, just listing what you need to let go of here will raise your level of awareness and you’ll naturally begin to start handling, fixing and resolving them and loosening your grip.  So, simply list below what you’re holding onto, what slows you down, what riles you up and anything that gets in the way of you being the best you can be… what you’re putting up with at work, at home - to determine what might be cluttering your mind and slowing you down.

 

Examples could be: Incomplete tasks, frustrations, problems, other people’s or your own behaviour, clutter, “should”, unmet needs, crossed boundaries, overdue library books, outdated wardrobe, unresolved issues or guilt, lack of exercise, eating habits, being indecisive, procrastinating, lack of sleep etc…

 

Over time and as you think of more items, add them to your list.

 

The key for me doing this exercise is to identify what consumes my thoughts repeatedly, over time and often. This can be little things - routines, or big things, like a grudge against someone. It’s often a person or an event and while we covered this in Moments that Matter, this looks at it a slightly different way or this might include little niggly things, not things that require a full-blown clearing piece.

 

Consider this:

What do I need to let go of?   

How I benefit by 'holding on'?

 

If you’re struggling with identifying a benefit (there must be something or you wouldn't be holding on to it) ask yourself, “What do I gain by keeping hold of this?” If you need to let go of something YOU’VE done, simply ask, “What do I need to do that will allow me to let this go?” Perhaps you need to make notes in your journal of what you’ve learned, perhaps you need to make some changes. 

 

A friend of mine had a weekend while her partner was away and one of her children were sick so she had to stay at home. She cut out all the repetitive things that needed doing. So she’d load the dishwasher, but instead of putting all the stuff away, she’d leave the plates and bowls and cutlery and glasses on the bench. Instead of bathing the kids, they had rinses if that’s what they wanted to do. She cut out the things that didn’t matter to make life easier.

 

You can do that too.

 

What are three things you are insistent on doing that actually don’t need to be done, and wouldn’t affect anybody else negatively if you decided not to do?

 

Just for a second, imagine letting go of everything on your list. How does it feel? What have you learned from doing this exercise?

 

 

Hey! Before you go, I always find reviews really helpful when looking for new information or insights…

 

I you’ve found this podcast valuable, please take a minute to write a quick review about what you’ve found most beneficial for you, so other people can benefit from your insights, and listen in too. I would LOVE that!

Also, if there are any topics you’d like me to cover specifically about life coaching or the life coaching industry, visit rhiannonbush.com to contact me. Thanks for joining and I’ll see you in the next episode of Do I Need A Life Coach?!

 

 

Please note, this transcription may not be exact.