CHANGING LIVES

EP #45

 

“Do I need a life coach?” You’re listening to Episode 45, with Rhiannon Bush

 

Welcome to the Do I need a life coach? Podcast. We’re here to discuss the ins- and outs- of the life coaching industry and give you tools to use, to see for yourself. I’m your host, Rhiannon Bush. Mother, management consultant and a passionate, certified life coach.

 

Hello my beautiful friends. I have to say I am so happy at the moment with the coaching work that I’m doing. Happy doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel accurately… actually. I feel elated, thrilled, overcome.  A really good friend of mine, Matilda always says you’re only one coach session away from feeling great, and it is so true.

 

Some of my clients I’m working with are just making the most incredible progress It’s amazing to have front-row seats to the changes they’re experiencing, the epiphanies they’re having and the inner pride you can feel they gain with breakthroughs and overcoming their own limitations. The feeling of knowing you’re making a difference... There’s nothing feels better.

 

I recently lost my grandfather, and while he lived an incredibly wonderful life, and a long one, we were so lucky to have him for as long as we did, it certainly has an element of confrontation because I start asking myself well… what is this all about? What does all of this mean? Life I mean. What is the meaning of life? If my life is going to amount to a bronze plaque in a cemetery one day, what do I want to leave behind?

 

I know I want to have an impact. No matter where I go, who I meet, what I do… I want to help and support and give hope. And for different people that will look different. And it’s for my clients, specifically, and myself, that really matters to me and who I want to share that with because through their commitment and by them seeking me out, they actually seek help to the fullest extent of what I’m able to offer and assist with. And with that, comes the full circle of not only the leaps and bounds they make, but the leaps and bounds I then make as well. It’s this cyclical thing that happens and it’s just amazing.

 

I’d never heard of the word ecology until I became a coach. And in coach land, ecology means the ripple effect. So imagine dropping a stone or something into a pond. What happens? The water ripples from where the stone is dropped and all those ripples will continue to ripple out until they hit something - a shoreline, a pontoon, etc. Those ripples will go around things until they get to where they need to be. And that’s what we mean by ecology.

 

And this is one of the key things that absolutely drew me to coaching – to have my own coach practice, to continue to develop as a coach, to continue to be coached and to continue coaching.

 

If I made the statement that everything we do in life is selfish, would you believe me? Try it on for a minute. Everything we do, we do first and foremost for ourselves. True or false? I believe this to be true. Whether it’s charity work, gift giving, having kids, going to work… we do it first and foremost because it makes us feel a certain way. There are caveats to this, as with most things, but I think for those of us fortunate enough to live in a society where there is a relative abundance of money and opportunity, we get to write our story and choose our journey.

 

So when I found coaching, the fact that it met my needs first and foremost were a huge tick. It sparked my passion, my curiosity, my ability to serve and grow, so many other things. I know simply saying that may sound selfish, but I constantly teach my clients how to become selfish. And not in an egotistical way. Not in a way that you disregard all the feelings of the people around you, but in a way that means you get your cup filled first which means you can then help others fill theirs. As I’m sure I’ve said before you can’t save someone from drowning if you can’t swim yourself.

 

The thing about being selfish is it takes practice. But selfish to me looks like boundaries. But if we think about setting strong boundaries, which means sometimes saying “no” and saying “no” doesn’t feel nice, then others would say that setting boundaries is actually selfless, because it means those close to you get more of the best parts of you. So it’s a matter of perspective.  For the sake of what we’re talking about though, let’s call it selfish to put our needs first. To set boundaries and say “no” so we can re-direct our energy elsewhere. Let’s learn to be ok to say no, be selfish and to look after ourselves. Recently I was having a sad afternoon, grieving, and for me that looked like lying on the couch with a fluffy fictitious book. It was pouring with rain, my daughter was napping, my son was enjoying some TV time and I was taking a break. Usually when my kids are having down time, however that looks, I’m washing, cleaning, preparing, working… but this particular afternoon I just needed to stop, so I did. And you know what? The world didn’t stop spinning. Amazing right?! 

 

I loved watching The Biggest Loser on TV when it was on and I loved it because there was always this challenge where they had to go on a big hike and at points along the hike, put on weight vests that were the amounts of weight they had lost along the way. It always made the contestants highly emotional, and it was such a beautiful way of showing them and reminding them of the changes they’d gone through. One of the common stories amongst those contestants was “I gave everything I had to those around me”. Being selfish is important, and it’s something we all need to learn. Especially as we grow older and have an increased number of competing priorities.

 

So coaching enables me to have so many of my needs met. The next layer out to that is that it helps my clients, obviously.  My clients get what they need. They get support, they get learnings, they break through their boundaries, they grow in self-confidence, they start achieving, their self-esteem improves and they grow. But the next layer out from this is the layer that no one thinks about. And that is the way my clients family, friends, colleagues, nearest and dearest are impacted as well. So by making just one person happier, stronger, empowered, fulfilled, taking control of their life…. Selfish…  You can see that there are so many other people who are positively impacted as well. One person who touches many creates ripple effects. And that’s why coaching is such an amazing thing, because it is a win, win for everyone involved. There’s no way it can’t be. For everyone who touches someone who has worked with a coach or is working with a coach, things are better.

 

And I’d say that another reason for this is because when someone works with a coach, they have a greater understanding of not only themselves, but others.  They have a deeper acceptance of themselves. They have a heightened awareness around their personal triggers. This all leads to increased empathy, patience, thankfulness, and appreciation.  It just makes the world a better place. One person at a time.

 

Does that mean that everything is always perfect and rainbows and butterflies all the time? Absolutely not. Life throws us curveballs, that’s what life is – it’s hard, it’s unpredictable, it can be cruel and we, as humans, still experience both negative and positive emotions. There is no cure for this. We will always experience a plethora of emotions, all colours of the rainbow and so often, many of them all at once. But what it does mean, is that people who have experience coaching are equipped with tools that they can use to help manage their reactions to life. Their reactions to the curveballs, the highs, the lows, the trials, the tribulations. And here’s the thing. When they can deal with it better, they set an example for others to do the same.

 

My kids watch what I do, more than they listen to what I say. And when they see me spiral (which is a coach term for ‘freak out’ or ‘losing my sh*t’), they think it’s acceptable to do that too. Or they don’t feel they can react in a different way, because the way they’ve seen me react is the way they think is normal and ok to react. So when you get a chance to work with a coach, to recognise, understand, and mitigate certain responses you have, you’ll help others around you to do the same. Whether that’s through talking about it or not. Amazing right?! Amazing.

 

It means someone who, in the past may have turned to drinking, drugs, sex, anger, spite, or shame instead, can find a level of detachment to look at a situation differently, and to cope differently. Which means that instead of impacting those around them with their old habits and reactions, some of which may have been so severely negative to them and those around them, instead, they have tools to deal with it better. That may not be perfectly, but better. Which is all anybody can ask for.

 

I was adamant when I took on a new role fairly recently that I didn’t want to come in as a coach or leadership development person. Or to specialise in customer experience, which are things that I gravitate to because it’s what I care about and I’ve been doing it for so long, it is actually linked with who I am and what I bring. But what I’m realising is that because it so linked to I am now I can’t seem to help myself get involved and wanting to help people, provided it’s commercially viable for the business to fund.  I’m all about creating win-wins where what could’ve transpired previously from those difficult conversations - whether that be performance management, poor leadership, needing to step up and be better for their people, or businesses needing to treat their people better for staff attraction, training and retention – the win-win results in enhanced self-awareness leading to a different approach that previously taken, plus some additional tools in the toolkit to deal with adversity and things that come up unexpectedly, to create that ripple effect in businesses as well.

 

Are you being your best self? Are you showing others around you how you want to be treated by treating others the same way? Are you feeling collected and put together or are you feeling like a hot mess?

 

Your behaviours impact those around you. I’m not saying that to add pressure or to shame you into changing. I’m saying it to raise your level of awareness around how you’re showing up, and how you might like to show up instead if you’re dissatisfied with that. Also how are you at setting boundaries? Are you getting enough for yourself or are you giving it all away?  All of these are important questions for you to feel better day-to-day and start living your best life.

 

For now, enjoy your week and I’ll see you next week.

 

 

 

Hey! Before you go, I always find reviews really helpful when looking for new information or insights…

 

I you’ve found this podcast valuable, please take a minute to write a quick review about what you’ve found most beneficial for you, so other people can benefit from your insights, and listen in too. I would LOVE that!

Also, if there are any topics you’d like me to cover specifically about life coaching or the life coaching industry, visit rhiannonbush.com to contact me. Thanks for joining and I’ll see you in the next episode of Do I Need A Life Coach?!

 

 

Please note, this transcription may not be exact.